Mostly concerned about hook

I’m once again seeking help on my hook, but I’ve also got my query letter up for review at There’s got to be a way to have a hook, get the reader involved and not lose them due to unfamiliar territory. I’m not confident in what I’ve got right now. Sigh.




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2 Responses to “Mostly concerned about hook”

  1. Suzan Harden says:

    Hi Victoria!

    It's a pleasure to meet you! And I really did like the premise of Mourn Their Courage. As fot the opening chapter, it's one of those get-advice-then-trust-your-gut situations. Seriously. I can throw in my $0.02 on Public Query Slushpile, but it's worthless if it totally screws up your creative vision.

    As for your hook, are you talking about the one-liner that summarizes the ms? Or are you talking about the paragraph(s) summarizing your ms in the query itself?

    I don't think the problem with the query I saw was losing a reader in unfamiliar territory. You got to get them in the territory first.

    For example, which sounds better?
    a) Man travels to distant land to destroy magical object.
    b) Frodo the Hobbit treks across Middle Earth to destroy the One Ring, a magical object that corrupts all who come in contact with it.

    Yeah, I know lame example, but I hope you get my drift.

    I've been on an urban fantasy kick lately, though I've written a romantic suspense (first novel ever which will remain buried with the dust bunnies under the bed) and contemporary erotic romance. I've had a couple of queries on PQS though it's been a few months.

    Best wishes on your submissions!

  2. Victoria Dixon says:

    Nope, as far as the hook goes, I am concerned that the novel itself doesn't hook the reader fast enough. That's what most people mean when they refer to a hook.

    I have reworked the query and will post again next week, most likely. Thanks for all your help!

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