Fear Is the Mindkiller

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past
I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain

I feel like saying “Amen” to this. Yes, I’m admitting two things in this post: 1. I’m a Dune fan and by that, I mean I’ve read the first book in the series and have to be one of the few people on the planet who enjoys the movie despite its flaws.
2. I am afraid.

Not of admitting that I like the Dune movie, though that may bring down derision on my head. No, I’m afraid of many things, actually.

I’m afraid that my writing will never take off the way I want it to.

I’m afraid that, if that is so, I will never be able to work full-time as a writer, which I want so badly it hurts. I’m afraid of the consequences of jumping into such a situation: losing my home, losing my change-adverse daughter’s school, etc. I’m afraid of losing the respect of my friends and family for causing these chain reactions.

Yet I heard the most magnificent message from God yesterday. (Yes, I am a practicing Christian despite the Buddha image on the screen. That’s simply there to provide setting for the Asian theme, though I am NOT a militant Christian and have no problems with other beliefs.) God asked me why I’m so fearful. Don’t I believe in him? Yes, I do. But I also know He put His followers through trials and such trials are not something I desire.

Yes, I know, beyond all question, that God will take care of me and my family in the coming days. He promises such care if we face our afflictions “even unto death.” It’s the “even unto” part that worries me. The part where I lose my family’s and friends’ respect because of my actions.

So what about you? What are you afraid of?




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18 Responses to “Fear Is the Mindkiller”

  1. Mark says:

    Fear can be useful though, if you fear it that much, then work as hard as you can to not let it happen.

  2. Margo Berendsen says:

    I'm a Dune fan too and this is crazy because I just rented Dune to watch it this weekend (I saw it when it first came out like 25 years ago).

    So, yeah, it has some flaws. But it's still a great book and its neat to see it come alive with characters (and worms) in the movie.

    But I cannot speak to fears very well. I have my own set of writing and career-related fears (who doesn't)??? that I'm trying to deal with… I guess, take courage in knowing you are not alone.

  3. Victoria Dixon says:

    I am so going to kill blogger. It screwed up this post so much… ok, the Dune QUOTE is back up now, and the font size I think is uniform, but now the spacing's off. URGH

    I guess I edited a bit too much, Mark. Part of my problem is, I WANT to quit my job and become a full time writer. I'm afraid of doing it, too. I'm afraid that's not the direction God wants me to take and then I will screw up everything. Sigh.

    No, Margo. I know I'm not alone. If anything, there are too many people in my situation right now. All of us struggling to juggle personal and public lives; to publish and remain gainfully employed.

  4. Natalie Aguirre says:

    Hopefully you're doing well enough to not lose your house and I'm sure your daughter will be fine. Seeing her mom follow her dreams will teach her to do the same. And not having everything you want builds character. So don't worry about that.

    But yeah, I have fears too. On my good days, I have faith I'll walk through that fear door to the other side.

  5. Natalie Aguirre says:

    And I can relate to your struggle to work, raise a family, and write.

  6. Rachna Chhabria says:

    I can relate to fear. I have a lot of them.

  7. Victoria Dixon says:

    Thank you so much for that, Natalie! I really don't think I can thank you enough for that.

  8. Victoria Dixon says:

    I think we all do, Rachna. As Mark pointed out, fear can be a useful thing. The bible tells me, we are not supposed to live in a spirit of fear, but it's difficult to remember when you're living with it 24/7.

  9. Barbara Ann Wright says:

    I had a lot of pitfalls when I decided to be a full time writer. It took a lot of dead-ends to figure out what path was right for me. If you ever have questions or want someone to commiserate with, I'm your gal. ^_^

  10. Christina Farley says:

    Oh this is good. Fear is something that can be debilitating. When I'm feeling empowered I'm always able to do more.

  11. DWei says:

    I'm afraid of what's going to happen to me academically and financially. I really need a job after I graduate…

  12. Giora says:

    Congrats, Victoria, for moving to the second round at Amazon Novel Contest.

  13. Margo Berendsen says:

    Knowing your love for Chinese and Asian stories, I couldn't help but think of you when I heard a reference to Ye Xian, an older, Chinese version of Cinderella, and some neat artwork associated with it at http://mushroomtale.deviantart.com/art/Ye-Xian-281413445

  14. Victoria Dixon says:

    OOOh, thanks for that link, Margo! That's stunning

    Barbara Ann, I did not realize you were a full time writer. I will definitely pick your brain and thank you for the offer!

    I suppose that does depend on the fear. What I'm fearing right now does seem to be debilitating me. But my arachnophobia (which really is more of a deep-seated disgust than uncontrollable fear)led to my first published short story. After all, my writing hero, Ray Bradbury once suggested taking your fears and writing about them. And you could say my PTSD-related fear of losing loved ones made it into my last novel. Yes, I'm a very fearful person. LOL I'm working on it!

    Thanks, Giora! I've got this far before. I'm hoping I get a little farther this year. Did you make it?

    Oy, job fears are killers, DWei. I feel for you. In the current economy, I'd stay in school if you can manage it.

  15. Giora says:

    Last year I moved to the second round in the General Fiction category. This year I moved to the second round in the Young Adults Fiction category. Best wishes for both of us to move to the third round.

  16. Jai Joshi says:

    I've watched the Dune movie but haven't read the books. I've been meaning to for ages. That's such a great quote.

    And fear is something that we have to conquer if we're ever going to do anything fulfilling. I totally agree with you.


  17. Kathi Oram Peterson says:

    This is the second time I've tried to comment. Hope it works.

    I understand your fears about making it as a writer. I've been there many times.

    Dune is one of my daughter's favorite books. I'm more into romantic suspense. But it's all good.

  18. Victoria Dixon says:

    That story is FULL of great quotes. My other favorite is: "…a person needs new experiences. They jar something deep inside, allowing him to grow. Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken." Also something I'm reminding myself a lot of, these days. Glad to see you're back, Jai!
    I'm sorry you're having problems, Kathi. Truth be told, I'm having problems with blogger in general, as you may have noticed in an earlier comment. Most of what I read is actually fantasy, but every now and again I get a hold of something in a different genre and I'm so glad I did!

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